Echoes Page 14
Yeah, she would be safe from physical harm, no doubt about that, but emotionally she’d be torn apart. She couldn’t go through that again.
Taking a breath, she was startled to hear the quaver in it. Idiot. Seeking composure, she started to straighten her shoulders, only to have big hands clamp on her upper arms and turn her around to face him.
So near. Standing a mere breadth away, towering over her, those fathomless eyes fastened on her face.
So disturbing. So delicious. So forbidden. It was like poking a snake - all treacherous beauty but with dire consequences. Too many painful memories that, apparently, she had never come to terms with. No, wait, she had come to terms with the memories, but she had never expected that the wounds were as raw now as they had been the day he’d torn her heart out.
Swallowing, she tried to slide away but he’d effectively pinned her into the corner where the two benches met. The only way she could move would be to press against him, slide her belly along those lean hips. No way on God’s earth did she trust herself to even attempt that manoeuvre. All she could do was ask him politely to shift, show him she was in full control, that she had no feelings about him whatever.
Before she could do more than open her mouth, however, Ryan said quietly, “Ella, this is different. You are under the protection of Wells Security, and every man and woman Aaron puts in your bodyguard detail. You won’t see us unless we want to be seen. It won’t affect your everyday life. As long as you maintain your normal routine it won’t be intrusive. Okay?”
“If you say so.”
“I promise you, Ella, I won’t abandon you. I won’t walk away and leave you alone to face whatever may come. You’re safe with me, with us. One of us will always be near.”
“So when this is all over you just walk away again.” Unable to stop it, she spoke bitterly. “Just like before.”
“No, Ella mine,” he replied gently. “Not like before.”
Inwardly cursing the stupid lump in her throat, she looked away. Already he was affecting her, turning her orderly life upside down. A look, a touch, and here she was ready to turn into a blubbering mess.
Man, she really needed some sleep to get her head back on straight. Yeah, just some sleep.
Ryan slid his hand along the side of her neck, his thumb caressing her jaw line, sending little tremors of pleasured heat through her. “No, Ella mine, I won’t be walking away this time. This time I’m staying.”
Sadly, she looked up at him. “Why? To make amends? It’s too late for that.”
“I don’t believe that.” He spoke with quiet assurance. “I can’t excuse what I did, I can’t fix what I did. I made a choice back then, the wrong choice. I admit that, own it. But I don’t believe we can’t go forward.”
“As friends? That’s-”
“As lovers.”
The words resounded in her head. Shocked, she stared at him. “What?”
His gaze didn’t waver. “Time has passed. We’re older, wiser, we’ve both been through so much, both suffered loss and heartbreak. But there is still something between us, Ella. You feel it.”
All she could latch onto was one word. “Heartbreak?” It felt like a knife twisted in her heart. “You loved someone else?”
Ryan leaned down a little, moved closer. “No, Ella mine. There has never been anyone but you. You’ve always been the only girl for me.”
She wasn’t so sure that the knife didn’t just take another savage turn. “You loved me and you walked away. How does someone just walk away, Ryan? Tell me that.” Angry tears sparkled. “How do you leave someone when you love them?”
“I had my reasons.”
“Let me guess.” Her head was starting to thump with the effort of holding back tears, holding back temper, stopping her from screaming at him, lashing out. “It’s complicated.”
“No.”
“So - what? You’re finally going to tell me why you dumped me?” She was hanging on by a thread. So close, so damned close - and she feared it.
By God, she really feared it. Feared his reasons, feared facing it. Irrational. Stupid. Illogical. But undeniable.
The realisation had her throwing her head back, masking the fear with hostility. “Well, I don’t care, Ryan. You know that? I don’t give a shit what your reasons are. I don’t want to know.”
He didn’t reply, watched her closely. Not even a flicker of an eyelash gave away his thoughts, his reaction to her harsh words.
“There’s nothing between us. Nothing. I feel nothing for you. You only think you feel something for me, and you know what that is?”
Nope, not a blink, that steadfast gaze locked on hers.
“Guilt. You feel guilty for what you did and you’re trying to make it up to me. Don’t worry about it, Ryan, okay? I’m a big girl. I don’t need your pity or your guilt.” Taking refuge in righteousness, she glared at him.
Damned sure a hell of a lot better than crying.
His hand didn’t shift from her nape, his thumb continued grazing her jaw line, his gaze wandering over her face - eyes to lips, lingering, rising again to look at her.
Drinking her in.
Fanciful thinking, Ella. You are not an impartial participant in this encounter. Now get the hell away from him before you break and put yourself right in his hands.
As Ryan continued to watch her like a hawk, almost merciless in his cool control, his mobile rang. After the third soft ring, he plucked it from his pocket with his free hand and placed it to his ear. “Ryan.”
Cornered with him leaning towards her, his palm on her nape feeling both delicious and entrapping, Ella determinedly kept her composure, watching him as coolly as he watched her.
“Where?” Ryan’s eyes never wavered.
A tiny voice came from the mobile, the words indistinguishable.
“When?” He listened. “I’ll be there. Tag Gail.” He hung up.
“Duty calls?” Ella asked tightly. “Lucky me.”
“You won’t be alone. Another guard will take over.”
“I don’t need one. I don’t want one.”
“You have one.”
Reaching up, she knocked the inside of his wrist so his hand fell away from her nape. “Better run, Ryan. Important things to do, remember?”
For a brief second a flash of annoyance was evident in his eyes, a cold flash, a deadly spike that flared in the brown depths before being extinguished immediately, his expression regaining the calm, controlled exterior of normal.
He straightened, stepping back, and with relief she started to slide sideways, only to stop when his hand hooked into her blouse, fisting the soft material firmly but unmistakably, stopping her retreat before reeling her into him.
Grabbing his wrist, she ignored the little thrill that shot through her at the sheer possessiveness of his action. Teeth clenched, she tossed her head back defiantly.
“One day very soon, Ella mine,” he said with deadly quietness, a darkness oozing through his tone like black velvet, “We’re going to talk. I’m not prepared to throw this away. I made the biggest mistake of my life once, I’m not making another.” With that, he bent and pressed a kiss to her forehead, releasing her almost immediately to stride away.
The words she could deal with, but the chaste kiss left her feeling the imprint of his lips on her skin. Like a brand.
Forcing her feet to move, she walked around the bench, listening as he left through the front door before sagging against the table. Oh God, she felt ragged.
The sound of the door opening again, heavy, deliberate footsteps in the hallway. Ryan strode into the kitchen and up to Ella. His hard, handsome face held a dangerous edge, a quiet purpose haunting his very presence as he grabbed her, jerked her up against him, kissed her.
Hard. Ruthless. Lips on hers, tongue demanding entrance, running along the seam of her lips in silent demand. Automatically she opened to him, tasted him as he entered, his tongue sweeping through her mouth, marauding, devouring, kissing her mercilessl
y.
Stamping his dominance, his ownership, on her. Leaving her in no doubt what he wanted, what he was determined to have.
Her response was instantaneous, giving to him, letting him take her, kiss her, welcoming the heat, the blistering fire he built so effortlessly inside her. Scattering her wits, her commonsense, destroying the brittle guard she’d managed to put up.
Shattered her.
As fast as he’d grabbed her, he released her, steadying her with his hands before simply turning on his heel and leaving. Again.
Heart thundering and heat coiling in her loins, Ella could only stare after him with her mouth hanging open.
Chapter 6
The rest of the day she spent inside. Call her stupid, but knowing someone was out there watching her and she wouldn’t see them was plain creepy. It was also ridiculous and unnecessary. And creepy. Definitely creepy.
So creepy, in fact, that she rang Wells Security.
“Wells Security, Raymond speaking.”
“I want to cancel the bodyguard.”
“I see. Name?”
“I don’t know their name.”
There was only the faintest of pauses. “Your name.”
Idiot! Ella did a mental head slap. “Ella Attwood.”
“One moment, Miss Attwood.”
Boof ambled across the floor, eyeing off a patch of sunlight coming through the kitchen window. Standing in it, he blinked, sniffed the air, and then slowly collapsed onto the floor in a furry puddle. Yawning loudly, showing a fair amount of teeth, tongue and - she could swear - his tonsils, he smacked his lips and went to sleep.
Lucky cat.
“Ella,” a deep tone greeted.
“Hi, Aaron.”
Silence.
“This bodyguard crap.”
Silence.
“Unnecessary.”
Silence.
Phone cradled to her ear with one hand, she studied her finger nails. Nope, didn’t feel uneasy at all. “Waste of time.”
Silence.
She flicked her thumb nail against the nail of her middle finger, shifted her foot.
Silence continued.
“You there, Aaron?”
“Yes.”
Oh boy.
When he didn’t elaborate, she said, “I don’t want a bodyguard.”
Silence.
“I don’t need one.”
Silence.
Her eyes narrowed. “Are you listening?”
“Yes.”
Annoyance bristled down her spine. If she was a cat, her back would be arching about now. “What are you going to do about it?”
“Nothing.”
“Haven’t you been listening to a word I said?”
“Yes.”
“Call off your people!”
“No.”
“Damn it, Aaron-”
“You’re under our protection until this investigation either ends or we can be certain you’re not marked.”
“Aaron-”
“No.”
Astounded, she stared at the wall. “That’s it? No?”
“No.”
“You can’t do this! It’s - it’s harassment!”
Silence.
She gritted her teeth. “I could come down there and see you.”
“Yes.”
“Cause a scene.”
Silence.
“You’re really irritating, you know that?”
“Yes.”
The man didn’t have a funny bone in his body. Not to mention she was feeling a bit stupid. His composed, short responses were making her feel pretty childish. She should never have rung him.
“Ella.”
“Yeah?” Now she really envied Boof. Cat didn’t care what people thought of him. She needed some of that attitude.
“Your safety is paramount.”
“Being watched is creepy. Do you know how creepy it is knowing someone is out there watching you and you can’t see them? Creepy, Aaron. It’s creepy.”
“Ryan still there?”
“No.”
“Ah.”
“What do you mean ‘ah’?”
Silence.
Taking a deep breath, she pinched the bridge of her nose, squeezed shut her eyes. “Forget I rang.”
“’Bye, Ella.”
Hanging up the phone, she groaned. “Boof, I’ve just made a perfect dick of myself.”
Boof didn’t move.
“I am such a drongo.”
Not even his one ear twitched.
“I know, right? I let Ryan rattle me, and instead of acting like an adult I ring his boss and bitch. Argh!”
This time one gold eye opened, surveyed her lazily and drifted closed again.
“Thank you for acknowledging me. I feel like you really care.”
His tail twitched a fraction.
“My hero.” With a sigh, she wandered into the lounge room, pulling the curtain aside to peer out. Nothing.
Wait, what if they were watching her peeking out at them? How humiliating would that be?
“Oh, who am I kidding?” Disgusted, she dropped the curtain back into place. “You’re avoiding the obvious cause of your snottiness.”
Ryan.
But thinking of him was only going to open up a huge can of worms, one she wasn’t prepared to start sorting through.
He kissed me. A rush of heat went through her at just the memory. Oh no, not going there. No no no.
“Fine.” Marching to the hall cupboard, she dragged out the vacuum cleaner. “I need to clean anyway. I’ll clean. Take my mind off all this crap. Boof, I need to get my equilibrium back.” She switched on the vacuum cleaner.
By one o’clock the house practically shone inside. The floor was vacuumed, mopped, everything dusted, the few wooden bits of furniture polished, bathroom and toilet scrubbed, even the laundry got a good clean out.
She spent a couple of hours on the computer cruising the internet, looking at interesting articles and uploaded videos, checked out favourite author websites and on-line bookstores, ordered a couple of books and DVDs, then switched to watching TV.
By evening she felt a little better and had just settled with a bowl of ice cream in front of a murder mystery when the phone rang. “Hello.”
“Ryan.”
That had her pulse fluttering, but she steadfastly ignored it. “Ella.”
A soft, deep chuckle drifted over the phone.
Oh Lord, that had a shiver go through her. Spooning up a mouthful of ice cream, she determinedly stayed silent.
“I have to go out of town for a couple of days,” Ryan said. “But rotating guards will be watching you.”
“Yeah, about that-”
“No.”
“You don’t even know what I-”
“No.”
Her fingers tightened on the spoon. “You spoke to Aaron.”
Silence.
“I’m getting a sense of deja vu.”
Silence.
“This is becoming more than a little creepy.”
Silence.
Closing her eyes, Ella sighed. “Why are you ringing me?”
“To tell you I have to go out of the city for a few days.”
“So?” Okay, being a bitch, but why stop now?
“I wanted you to hear it from me.”
She bit her lip.
“I’ll be back.”
Now it was her turn to be silent.
“When I come back, we’ll talk.”
“No, we won’t.”
“Yes.”
“Nothing to say, Ryan,” she said sharply.
“I have to go. I’ll see you when I get back.”
In the background she heard voices, the sound of - “Is that a helicopter?”
“Take care, Ella mine.”
Before he clicked off, she heard a voice call out faintly, “Guns secured.”
Hanging up the phone, she chewed her bottom lip. No doubt what was happening - he was off on some security missio
n that apparently involved a helicopter and guns. Just what kind of security company was Aaron running? Or was Ryan moonlighting for someone else?
She hoped he’d be careful. She should have told him to be careful. She should have - “Oh cripes, Ella!” Scowling, she turned up the TV volume. The man wasn’t part of her life now. Okay, he was, but just until this investigation was over then he’d be gone.
Or she would. After all, once those bloody lawless dregs were in custody and serving time, there was nothing to hold her here in West Australia. Her home had been Victoria, her grandmother’s house was still there currently being rented out, but once the lease ran out the plan had been to take Boof and go home.
Slowly she looked around the small lounge room. It held only a sofa and two armchairs, a small coffee table, one sideboard and the TV, a few library shelves. The basics. Every room was serviceable, made for frugal living. Not home.
But somehow Victoria didn’t feel like home, either. Not after everything that had happened.
“For crying out loud.” Impatiently, she scooped up more ice cream. “You’re letting this whole wretched day get to you. Yank up your grown-up knickers, you dill.”
Determinedly, she watched TV, refusing to let the thoughts bubbling below the surface well up.
She fell asleep on the sofa, woke up at two in the morning with a stiff neck and chilled. Rinsing out the bowl in the sink, she limped into the bedroom, dragged off her clothes, pulled on a comfy old nightie and fell into bed beside Boof, who grunted, stared balefully at her, then laid back down, snuggling up into her side.
Wrapping one arm around him, she fell asleep with his rusty purring a comforting rumble in the room.
~*~
Walking into the staff entrance of the service station, she pulled off her jacket, placing both it and her small bag into the locker before going out to the shop itself. The scent of fast food, hot oil and frying onions greeted her.
In the back wall behind the counter was an opening through which she saw Jessie busy frying onions and flipping meat patties, obviously cooking the food for several customers waiting at one of the tables.
“Hey,” Jessie greeted her cheerfully, her face a little shiny from being so close to the deep fryer.