Vet's Desire Page 17

  Mind buzzing with his words, she stared up at him. This was so unlike him, so unlike the Tim that she knew previously. One part of her wanted to take him up on his offer, to throw caution to the wind, snuggle close and see where it would all go, but another part of her, the cautious part, wasn’t so sure it was such a good idea.

  Her lust and attraction warred with her common sense.

  When the silence lengthened, Tim stated, “You don’t trust me.”

  “No,” she replied slowly, and winced inwardly at the slight flicker of his eyes. “To be truthful, no. This isn’t like you, and the sudden change is a little hard to take in.”

  Expecting him to try and cajole her, she was surprised when instead he nodded.

  “I understand.” Looking over her shoulder, he took a deep breath, nodded at something he was thinking, and then he looked back down at her resolutely.

  Taking her arm, he ushered her over to the table and sat her down in a chair. Hooking another chair with his foot, he expertly dragged it out, swung it back to front, and placed it directly in front of her. Straddling the chair back-to-front, Tim sat down and faced her.

  Silently they looked at each other, she warily, he assessingly.

  He looked so damned handsome, so serious, so - God, she had to rein in her attraction to him and fold her arms to stop herself from reaching out to touch him, to run a finger down the broad forearm and up the swell of his bicep, tracing his beckoning skin with her fingertips under the sleeve of his t-shirt and higher to his shoulder.

  She had it bad. Taking a deep breath, she took a tight grip on her errant emotions that had a mind of their own and raised a brow coolly at him. At least, she hoped it was cool. If he guessed how her blood ran hot and her imagination was filled with some R-rated images that involved him, she wouldn’t have a leg to stand on.

  “I spoke to Maddy.” Tim broke the silence.

  That caught her off-guard. “What?”

  “I did the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life and I talked about my feelings.” He grimaced a little. “Jesus, can you believe it?”

  No, she was floored.

  “After you came to my house and pointed out that I like control, and then you invited me to call you when I was ready to give up that control, you had me thinking.” He shook his head. “The thought of giving up my control was inconceivable, but then you rang me this morning and apologised, and basically told me goodbye and we’d see each other around sometime. I waited for that feeling of relief, of having been let-off the hook, so to speak, but that elation never came. Instead, I felt…” Tim blew out a long breath.

  Holding her own, Cindy waited.

  “I felt let down,” Tim said. “Dropped. I felt like you’d yanked the carpet out from under my feet and I panicked.”

  “You?” She couldn’t help but be surprised.

  “Yeah. I rang you back and you hung up on me.” This time both his gaze and his tone were a little accusatory.

  “Correct.” She didn’t think it was the time to confess to her own panic at the time.

  His gaze sharpened, but he continued. “You left me hanging, Cindy. My bloody emotions were shot to shit, I didn’t know what I wanted, I stood there while my mind went berserk, not knowing what to think or what to make of the stupid feelings that were bombarding me, and none of them was relief. And guess what I did?” He didn’t wait for a reply. “I actually rang up Rick but he was at work. I rang Mike and he was at work, too, but Maddy was home. Before you know it, I was in her cosy kitchen, eating homemade cake, drinking tea and discussing my feelings.”

  Cindy had to fight the urge to laugh at the mortification on his face, but her heart also did a little tango in her chest at the thought of the unflappable Tim Clarke sitting and talking to someone about his emotions.

  About his feelings for her.

  “And what did Maddy say?” she asked curiously.

  “Maddy has a way of making a man spill his guts.” Tim shoved a hand through his hair, the motion leaving a lock of the silken strands to flop enchantingly across his forehead.

  Cindy had to fight the urge to reach out and brush it back.

  “Before I knew it I was practically blubbering at the table, telling her all about my mother and my ball-breaker dates, as you called them. I was telling her about my control issues, as you’d also pointed out.” Tim pinched the bridge of his nose. “She promised me she’d never let Mike and Rick know. I made her promise.”

  She fought the smile.

  “And then I mentioned your name.” He looked directly at her. “Just your name.”

  All amusement faded and she bit her bottom lip.

  “I said ‘Cindy’, and Maddy knew. She just knew.” Tim’s gaze was unnervingly locked on her, and no way could she break it. His voice deepened, lowered. “She told me what I already knew deep down in my heart. She brought to the surface what I was trying to hide from even myself. Do you know what she told me, Cindy?”

  “No.” Her answer was barely audible in the room. She wanted to know, though, wanted to know so badly.

  “She told me that if I cared for you, that I had to push my past aside and concentrate on the present. If I wanted you, I had to come and talk to you, to let you know.” His eyes darkened. “She told me, Cindy, that I had to give myself a chance, and I had to give you a chance to accept me, too.”

  Nervously she chewed her bottom lip, her own emotions bombarding her. Uncertainty, hope, a thrill of anticipation.

  Forearms resting on the back of the chair, Tim held her gaze, allowing the silence between them to lengthen.

  And lengthen.

  It was suddenly too warm in the kitchen, too confining, too intense.

  Intense. So very intense. He watched her intently, heat in his eyes but his face inscrutable.

  Waiting.

  “Cindy,” he finally said. “Tell me what you’re feeling, because I swear, your face is so white I’m starting to wonder if I’ve shocked you into a heart attack.”

  She swallowed.

  “Tell me,” he insisted. “I’ve told you everything, now I need to know if I have a chance.”

  Oh God. Taking a deep breath, Cindy looked down to discover that her fingers were twisting nervously together. Freeing her fingers from each other, she splayed her fingers out on her thighs and rubbed her suddenly damp palms on her skirt.

  She’d always thought she had her emotions under control, that she was cool and calm and collected, that she knew exactly what she wanted and how, but now she was a basket of nerves. A real basket case, in fact. Her heart was pounding in her chest, her cheeks felt way too warm, and her hands were actually shaking.

  A sudden movement had her glancing up to see Tim kneeling down before her, one of his hands covering her own. The calloused warmth of his palm was oddly comforting, but the expression in his eyes was mixed. Gentleness, understanding, a little wariness, and a touch of heat. It was a heady mixture.

  His voice was patient. “Cindy?”

  “I’m not sure where my confidence has gone,” she admitted a little shakily. “That’s certainly shot that myth to pieces.”

  “You’re fine.” A slight smile greeted this, but his gaze remained steady. “Talk to me.” When she could only look wordlessly at him, he said encouragingly, “Just tell me how you feel right now.”

  “Right now?”

  “Right now.”

  Okay, she could do that. “I feel uncertain.”

  “And?”

  “Um…stunned?”

  “Are you asking or telling me?”

  “Telling.”

  “Tell me more.”

  “I don’t know about this, Tim-”

  “Tell me more.” His tone brooked no argument, his gaze sombre.

  “Okay,” she said. “I feel like I’m standing on the edge of a cliff and I’m wondering if I step off, will someone catch me when I fall, or will I just tumble down and break my neck?”

  “Shouldn’t that be heart?”
r />   “Damn it!” Exasperated, Cindy made to jump to her feet.

  “No, wait.” Tim immediately grabbed her thighs, preventing her from moving. “I’m sorry. I was just trying to put you at ease.” He shook his head. “That didn’t work.”

  “You think?” Irritation, nerves, and yes, a little embarrassment, all warred within her.

  He sighed. “I’m not good at this.”

  “I agree. You suck at it.”

  “Give me a chance, Cindy. Give me a chance to not suck at it.”

  “How can I take you seriously when you can joke at a time like this?”

  “How can you not take me seriously?”

  “Huh?”

  Releasing her hands, Tim sat back on his heels and looked up at her. His eyes, usually twinkling with mischief, were grave. Not an ounce of amusement showed on his face.

  “Right now, I’m more than serious that I’ve ever been in my life,” he said quietly. “I’ve done things for you I’d never do for anyone else. I’ve talked about my feelings, I’ve swallowed my pride and come over here, I’m listening to my heart and laying it before you. If anyone’s at risk of having their heart broken, Cindy, it’s me.”

  The words, spoken with such heartfelt honesty, seemed to hang in the air between them. They slipped through her conscious, reverberating through her, slipping inside her mind and settling in, the meaning becoming so clear, the knowledge that he was right sinking deep into her.

  “We know what I want,” he continued softly. “You. I know you’re scared of taking that step off the cliff, of giving me a chance. Giving us a chance. But tell me, Cindy, tell me truthfully. If I got up and walked through that door, how would you feel? What do you want?”

  Closing her eyes, she sought to calm her jittery nerves. This should have been so easy. She always knew what she wanted. She had everything that she wanted, everything except-

  A movement at her feet had her opening her eyes and lunging forward in a panic to throw her arms around Tim’s neck to prevent him from getting up. “Don’t go!”

  His arms slid around her, holding her close to him as he assured her quietly, “I’m not going anywhere.”

  Up on his knees, her movements having put him neatly between her spread thighs, he was able to cradle her against him, one of his hands at the small of her back, the other up higher.

  Arms around his neck, her chin resting on his shoulder, Cindy took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

  Loss. When she’d thought that he had been getting up to walk away, she’d felt total loss. Loss of one playboy vet, one lean, tall, brown-eyed man who had somehow snuck into her life without her having been aware of it happening, who could make her stomach do flips and make her feel alive, make her feel as no other man ever had in her life.

  And if she didn’t want that loss…

  “I’m afraid I’ll never see you again,” she whispered. “I’m afraid if this doesn’t work out, that you’ll leave me behind and I’ll never find myself again. I’m so afraid of falling and having no one to catch me. But mostly, I’m afraid if you walk out the door now, I’ll never see you again.” And I’ll never get over you.

  There was a small movement of his head. “I can’t promise you what I don’t know. I can’t see into the future. But Cindy, I can promise that I’ll give this relationship everything I have, that I’ll give it my all. I’m not promising to be a Prince Charming, God knows I’m far from it. I just want to be with you, to give us a chance.” His breath stirred the hair at her temple. “Please, Cindy, just give us a chance.”

  His hands ran soothingly up and down her back, and she relaxed against him, allowing his words to sink into her, analysing them through her own fears and emotions.

  She feared never seeing him again, she wanted to be with him. To give them a chance, she realised. It had hit her then, when she’d thought he was getting up and leaving. Hit her hard. Tim Clarke had walked into her life and taken a corner of her heart.

  Would it last? She didn’t know. He couldn’t promise. But she could give it a chance, give him a chance, give them a chance. If Tim had felt strongly enough about it to bare his feelings, something he found abhorrent, then surely she could give it a chance.

  Love, if that’s what it was, was worth a chance.

  “Okay,” she said softly. “Let’s give it - us - a chance.”

  With a sigh of relief, his arms tightened around her. “You won’t be sorry, I promise you that.”

  “Good. Remember that I have a soldier brother who’s been trained to hurt, and I’m not afraid to use him.”

  Tim pulled back and she saw the grin on his face. “I’ll remember.” His grin faded. “But mostly I’ll remember that you gave me a chance.”

  Leaning forward, Cindy stopped a hairsbreadth from his mouth to whisper, “You better be worth it, Clarke.” And then she kissed him, a soft, sweet kiss that brushed his lips.

  The gentleness of his return kiss had her knees shaking at the simplicity of it, the beauty, the caring he poured into it. Tim held her like fragile glass, his kisses gentle, exploring, never demanding more than she was willing to give him.

  Cindy was definitely ready and willing to give him more, but she played him, enjoying the gentleness, glorying in the knowledge that he found her desirable, beautiful, that he wanted more from her than just sex.

  That he wanted more from her than he ever had from any of his other relationships.

  Her kiss deepened and he followed quickly, taking it over within seconds, taking control, and she couldn’t help the inward shiver of delight as he demanded entrance, his tongue forging in to sweep through her mouth and drink of her essence.

  His desire for her was evident in every kiss now, every touch, his hand at the small of her back slipping down to cup her bottom, his other hand at her breast.

  “You better have good intentions towards my sister, Clarke,” a voice grated warningly from somewhere at the furthest reaches of her conscious. “Or I’ll break those damn hands making free with her.”

  Slowly, Tim lifted his head and she saw the heat, annoyance and resignation mingled within his eyes before she licked her lips - his taste was like honey to her buzzing senses - and looked over his shoulder to see Marty standing in the doorway with Alex behind him.

  Marty was staring daggers at Tim, while Alex was looking at her with his brows raised in silent, polite query.

  “Do you mind?” she snapped.

  “Only if you do,” Marty replied.

  “Does it look like I do?” She pulled her skirt back down her thighs as Tim rose to his feet, partially shielding her from her brothers’ gazes.

  Taking her hand, Tim pulled her to her feet before stepping around to stand beside her, his arm sliding around her waist as he looked at Marty and Alex. “Your sister and I are dating.”

  A small smile flickered across Alex’s mouth. “Really?”

  “Yes. Got a problem with that?” Tim glared at Marty.

  “Hey, as long as you’re doing right by her, I’m fine.” Marty glared back at him.

  “Excuse me,” Cindy interrupted in annoyance. “Since when are you my keeper?”

  “I know this jerk’s record with women,” her brother replied. “You’re not going to be another notch on his bedpost.”

  “You are such an arse. If I choose to be a notch, it’s none of your business.”

  “She’s not going to be another notch,” Tim said at the same time.

  “Sure it’s none of my business,” Marty told Cindy. “My business is breaking his dick off if he does anything disgusting.”

  “If it was tit for tat, yours would have been snapped off a long time ago by an angry male relative of those women you’ve bedded like a tom cat around bitches in heat,” she returned hotly.

  “A slight mix up of the animal kingdom,” Tim said. “Tom cats have queens, dogs have bitches.”

  By this time Alex had wandered into the kitchen and was investigating the contents of the saucepan on the st
ove. “Spaghetti? And you didn’t call me? You know I love spag, Cindy.”

  “Get rid of Marty and I’ll make you as much as you want,” she informed him.

  “Nah. This is much more fun.” Taking a spoon, he stirred the contents of the saucepan. “You nearly burned this.”

  “She nearly had something else burned.” Marty hadn’t stopped glaring at Tim.

  Tim grinned suddenly and it was enough to have Marty bristling like an anteater.

  “Hey.” Stepping between the two men, Cindy frowned in annoyance. “Marty, go away. I don’t have patience with your holier-than-thou attitude. And Tim, stop stirring.”

  “I’m not stirring,” Tim drawled. “I’m just being friendly to the brother of the woman I’m…”

  Marty’s nostrils flared.

  “Dating.” Tim smiled broadly, hooking an arm around Cindy’s waist and drawing her back against him so that he could nuzzle the top of her head. “Mmmm, you smell good.”

  Tim was out to stir Marty and her dumb brother was falling for it. Cindy looked at Alex, the only sensible sibling she had at that moment.

  Her sensible sibling was adding more mince to the saucepan.

  “What are you doing?” she demanded.

  “There’s not enough meat in here for all of us.”

  “Who said you were invited?”

  “Hey, you’re making spag bog. I’m invited.” He started peeling another onion. “You can get rid of Marty, though. That’d mean more for me.”

  It was obvious that her brothers weren’t going to leave her and Tim alone. Tipping her head back, she looked up at Tim. “We have company.”

  “We could go back to my place,” he offered.

  That had Marty practically breathing fire.

  “Actually…” Tim looked thoughtfully at her fuming brother. “Hold that thought. I think Marty and I need to have a little chat.”

  Immediately she shook her head. “Oh, no. That’s not going to happen. Marty can mind his own damned business. This is between-” But then she was talking to empty air as Tim followed Marty outside and shut the door behind them.

  She started to go out after them but Alex grabbed her arm. “Leave them.”